Killer Clichés about Loss
We have all been educated on how to acquire things. We have been taught how to get an education, get a job, buy a house, etc. There are colleges, universities, trade schools, and technical schools. You can take courses in virtually anything that might interest you.
What education do we receive about dealing with loss? What school do you go to learn to deal with the conflicting feelings caused by significant emotional loss? Loss is so much more predictable and inevitable than gain, and yet we are woefully ill-prepared to deal with loss.
One of the most damaging killer clichés about loss is “time heals all wounds.” When we present open lectures on the subject of Grief Recovery®, we often ask if anyone is still feeling pain, isolation, or loneliness as the result of the death of a loved one 20 or more years ago. There are always several hands raised in response to that question. Then we gently ask, “if time is going to heal, then 20 years still isn’t enough?”
While recovery from loss does take some time, it need not take as much time as you have been led to believe. Recovery is totally individual, there is no absolute time frame. Sometimes in an attempt to conform to other people’s time frames, we do ourselves great harm. This idea leads us to another of the killer clichés, “you should be over it by now.”
It is bad enough that well-meaning, well intentioned friends attack us with killer clichés, but then we start picking on ourselves. We start believing that we are defective or somehow deficient because we haven’t recovered yet.
If we take just the two killer clichés we’ve mentioned so far, we can see that they have something in common. They both imply that a non-action will have some therapeutic or recovery value. That by waiting, and letting some time pass, we will heal. Let’s add a third cliché to the batch, “you have to keep busy.” Many grievers follow this incorrect advice and work two or three jobs. They fill their time with endless tasks and chores. At the end of any given day, asked how they feel, invariably they report that their heart still feels broken; that all they accomplished by staying busy was to get exhausted.
Now, with only three basic killer clichés we can severely limit and restrict our ability to participate in effective recovery. It is not only that people around us tell us these clichés, in an attempt to help, but we ourselves learned and practiced these false beliefs for most of our lives. It is time for us to learn some new and helpful beliefs to assist us in grieving and completing relationships that have ended or changed.
QUESTION: I have heard that it takes 2 years to “get over” the death of a loved one; 5 years to “get over” the death of a parent; and you never “get over” the death of a child. Is this true?
ANSWER: Part of the problem is the phrase “get over.” It is more accurate to say that you would never forget a child who had died, anymore than you would ever forget a parent or a loved one. Another part of the problem is one of those killer clichés we talked about, that time, of itself, is a recovery action. Although recovery from loss does take some time, it is the actions within time that lead to successful recovery.
The primary goal of Grief Recovery® is to help you “grieve and complete” relationships that have ended or changed. Successful Grief Recovery® allows you to have fond memories not turn painful and helps you retake a happy and productive place in your own life. In addition, you regain the ability to begin new relationships, rather than attempting to replace or avoid past relationships.
© 2002 Russell P. Friedman, John W. James and The Grief Recovery Institute.
All rights reserved. Used with Permission.
Sue Hasker – Injury Healing Coach
Certified Performing Edge Consultant
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
Posted in Articles, Grief, Healing, Psychological Effects, Uncategorized | 
Tags: anxiety, Coaching, depression, grief, grief recovery, Mental Training, recovery, support | 
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Grieving Loss of Health?
Injury and illness are losses that need grieving.
There are at least 43 losses which can produce the range of emotions we call grief. The long list includes:
- Death of a loved one
- Divorce or end of a relationships
- Major financial changes
- Loss of health
Grief is normal and natural, but many of the ideas we have been taught about dealing with grief are not helpful, for example:
- Time heals all wounds
- You must grieve alone
- Be strong
- Don’t feel bad
- Replace the loss
- Just keep busy
We have known people who have waited 10, 20, 30, and 40 years and still didn’t feel better. We know that they would tell you that not only had time not healed them, but that it had compounded the pain. The other five myths carry equally unhelpful messages.
Recovery from loss is accomplished by discovering and completing all of the undelivered communications that accrue in relationships. Completion of pain caused by loss is what allows us to let go and move on. It is almost impossible to move on without first taking a series of actions that lead to completion. Before taking the actions to completion, it is important to look at and often dismiss some of the ideas or myths that we have tried to use with loss, but have not worked.
The Grief Recovery® program creates the safety and the correct action choices that help people move beyond the pain caused by loss. Together we can help you to take a look at old beliefs about loss; to look at what other losses have affected your life; and to take new actions which lead to completion of the pain attached to the recent loss, or the loss that occurred long ago.
For more information about The Grief Recovery® program, please contact me.
Sue Hasker – Injury Healing Coach
Certified Performing Edge Consultant
Certified Grief Recovery Specialist
Posted in Articles, Coaching, Grief, Healing, Health, Psychological Effects, Uncategorized | Tags: anxiety, Coaching, depression, goals, grief, grief recovery, Healing, injury, psychology, recovery, stress, surgery | No Comments »
Asking for Help While Healing – Top 10 Tips
Asking for help is not always easy, especially when we are not used to doing it. When we are recovering it is sometimes even harder because we want to prove to others (and ourselves) that we can be independent, while secretly wishing others would “just know” what we need. While it is not reasonable to expect all our needs to be met just exactly when and how we want, it is possible to help others help us simply by letting them know what we need. So, what is the best way to communicate to others so that they will understand the things we cannot do for ourselves and be willing to help? The following is a list of ten tips for getting the best response.
1. Do not apologize for needing help.
As humans we are allowed to be sick, to be weak, to have accidents, to make mistakes, and to ask for help. We need each other and people usually want to help others. I will make your visitors and caregivers feel needed and appreciated when we ask directly for what we need in a way that sounds positive and not “whiney.”
2. Keep an on-going list.
As part of your healing journal, or on a notepad or computer, keep a list of anything you can think of that will make your recovery process easier. If we do not keep a list it is easy to forget something important when a visitor or caregiver asks if we need anything, only to remember it after they leave. The list can include anything from something you need at the store, to questions to ask your doctor. When something is written down, it often makes the request feel more practical and less “needy” in case we tend to lose our courage to be direct in asking for help.
3. Listen to offers of assistance.
Do not ignore when someone offers to help, even if it sounds vague or insincere. Take them up on it right away, saying, “Well yes, there is something I would appreciate help with.” When you have a list ready it is much easier to answer the offer to help with a direct request, such as bringing you something from the kitchen, or asking for a ride to an appointment. Do not hesitate to ask, but ask for something specific so they know what to do.
4. Be direct and honest.
Instead of asking someone a question like, “Can you do something for me?” which can feel a bit like being backed into a corner or being pressured into saying “yes” right away, ask for what you need directly. Try instead something like, “I need a prescription picked up at the pharmacy today, can you do that for me?” They can always say no. Most people would rather know what they are getting into before agreeing to help. Thank them in either case.
5. Expect and respect a “No” answer on occasion.
While people usually enjoy being able to help, it is not always convenient or possible. There may be another time that works out, but maybe not this time. Be gracious when you ask and are turned down, otherwise you might not have another chance with that person.
6. Be honest with yourself (and others).
This is not the time to “test” others to see if they are being sincere. Ask only if you really need or want something, not to find out if they meant what they said when they offered to help. On the other hand, when you are really in need do not wait for someone to offer, go ahead and ask directly. Again, they can always say no.
7. If you do not know exactly what you need, tell them what you feel.
Sometimes it takes a while to really figure out what we need and it may take talking it through to make the connections. It may be that what you need is someone to listen to you. Or it may be that you are frightened or anxious and cannot identify what you need, you just know you feel “something” and need help figuring it out. You do not have to understand everything or pretend to be brave and tough it out alone.
8. Be persistent.
Just because one person is unable or unwilling to help, do not give up. Ask someone else. Also, do not give up on someone simply because they said no one time, it may have been a bad day for them.
9. Be appreciative.
Express your sincere gratitude for any kindness shown to you. While it is not wise to demand or even expect anything, it is always best to show your appreciation, and will encourage people to want to help you again.
10. Be smart – know what help is available.
This is something that can be part of your healing journal. If your friends, family, or caregivers are unable to help you in some way, find out if there is a local service available. Keep a list of contact information for local service organizations, religious organizations, hospitals or crisis centers. If they cannot help directly, they may be able to refer you to another source.
Remember that people usually do enjoy helping other people and will do so if they know what you need. Most people are not very good at guessing, so keep a list and be prepared when the offers arise. The vague offers to help are usually sincere, but without a direct request they often go unheeded. Help your helpers to help you best.
Adapted from After Surgery, Illness, or Trauma : 10 Practical Steps to Renewed Energy and Health
Sue Hasker – Injury Healing Coach
www.HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Healing, Health, Mental Training, Uncategorized | Tags: Healing, injury, recovery, stress, support, surgery | No Comments »
Orthopaedics and Alternative Therapies
The world of integrative and alternative medicine is more popular now that ever. But how do you wade through the vast amounts of information available online without becoming more confused, or falling for scams from unsafe practitioners and their advice? I have spent many years reading books, magazines, peer-reviewed journal articles, and following discussion groups moderated by highly trained naturopathic doctors and herbalists, and yet there are still many times when I am not certain how to choose between two or more conflicting opinions. Oftentimes we ask our physicians for advice on certain modalities or supplements we’ve read about and they may know from personal experience which ones are good and which aren’t. But other times, physicians have not studied these modalities in depth and prefer to stay within the boundaries of what they were taught as generally accepted practices in medical school. That does not mean that many of the alternative therapies are not good, or even bad, it just means that your doctor either may not know enough about it or does not want to recommend it to protect their practice from liability.
One medical professional source for physicians and patients provides an overview of several of the alternative therapies that people with orthopaedic injury might find useful is the “Your Orthopaedic Connection” section of the American Academy of Orthopaedic Surgeons website. There you can read more about the various types of alternative treatments and practitioners, such as:
Acupuncturist
Ayurvedic Practitioner
Chiropractor
Chinese Herbalist
Homeopaths
Massage Therapist
Naturopath
Take a look around other areas of the AAOS website where you may find information that is very helpful for your particular injury or surgery.
Sue Hasker – Certified Performing Edge Consultant
Injury & Surgery Healing Coach
Posted in Articles, Health, Uncategorized | Tags: alternative medicine, doctor visits, Healing, injury, support | No Comments »
Injury ~ A New Beginning?
Is it possible that your injury and the healing process – while disruptive and frustrating – could be the start of a new way of looking at life? It was for me. Granted, breaking my ankle in a remote rain forest in another country (on another continent!) was scary. Getting home to obtain proper treatment was a nightmare. But there was a silver lining for me BECAUSE I chose to look for one. I chose to be grateful for the new people that have become part of my life and a new understanding of what other people are going through when they are struggling with limitations. I changed, not only anatomically due to all of the surgical procedures I’ve endured, but from the inside out. It’s all a matter of mindset.
The following article may help you decide to change the way you view your recovery process. Ponder the ideas, anyway.
Gratitude, Faith, and Clarity of Purpose – the most powerful statement
by A.M. Sall
“Things might have been worse”This is the most powerful, dynamic, revolutionary statement you could ever make in your life.
But first, deciding to take an inventory your life will lead you to put down in front of you two parts of your life:
1. the good things: positive
2. the bad things: negativeDo you think your life might have been better or worse?
This is a choice for you to make. But if you put every thing down and carefully examine it, you will realize things certainly might have been worse.
“I was complaining that I had no shoes till I met a man who had no feet.”
(Confucius)For example, you have lost your job but you are in good health: you might have lost BOTH health and job.
Now, the mere fact that you are faced with a choice means you are in a dynamic situation, the possibility to decide for yourself, to assert yourself, to test your sense of purpose. You are FREE to decide. Yes, it is up to you to decide whether things might have been better or worse.
If you decide that things might have been better and things had indeed been better, you wouldn’t have felt the need for change: you would have carried on, unconscious and happy (!?)
If your “present” is better than it might have been, then there is no reason why your “future” should not be better than your “present” (please read this sentence again
.
The only difference is NOW YOU KNOW, and this is what makes your situation so powerful, so dynamic, so revolutionary, so excitingly full of proactivity: You can decide, you can make choices, set goals and work to achieve your goals.
You are no longer groping in the dark and whatever you decide for yourself will come to pass.
Your future is a heavily pregnant lady and you don’t need an obstetrician, because YOU are the obstetrician — not just any obstetrician, but the most powerful obstetrician that ever was.
All the kids are yours and YOU can decide what they are going to be. This is a terribly exciting story, and you are the superhero.
Now is the time to exercise your sense of purpose.
Deciding that things might have been worse means you are ready for three things at least:
1. gratitude: you can be grateful because you see the positive side in all things. You realize there are more positives than negatives, so you don’t complain, you don’t explain, you are in control, the more so since you now know that your present situation is simply a consequence of your past thoughts;
2. faith: the realization that from now on, things CAN be better and you can decide things ARE GOING to be better. And your future situation is also a consequence of your present thoughts.
3. clarity of purpose: you know exactly what you want things to be.
You are ready for a life-change and you have faith, gratitude and a sense of purpose. These are the 3 legs of your Success Mindset Tripod.
Once you are ready for change, you have gone at least 60% of the way, you can get anything you want.
Attitude is the first thing to change and you have changed your attitude from negative to positive.
Clearly affirm your readiness for change.
From now on, anything you do will be informed by your faith, your gratitude, your clarity and unity of purpose.
Meditate a lot to convince yourself that you are on the right track.
This deep conviction will rid you of stress, tension, doubt and fear, your two worse enemies.
Eventually, you will impress everybody, including yourself!
Deep conviction will bring you into agreement with yourself, the only person you really have to agree with, after all. This is what I call “unity of purpose”.
And once you agree with yourself, you’ll find it much easier to agree with anybody else – contrary to what some people may think.
Now is the time for you to decide what part of your life you want to change, be it making money, losing weight, relationships, or anything else.
Now is the time to set your goals, and take action to achieve them.
But never forget that you have already gone 60% of the way – readiness for life-change, which was obtained through making a balance-sheet of your life and deciding that things might have been worse (past + present) and that things CAN and indeed ARE GOING TO get better (present + future)
And things are truly going to be better than they could ever be, simply because NOW YOU KNOW.
Always remember “things might have been worse” — and be grateful, confident and purposeful.
Then move forward and upward, and build your life with your Success Mindset Tripod!
Lead your life and don’t allow yourself to be led by your life.
A. M. Sall – author, coach, success mindset philosopher with 30+year experiences -as a translator, teacher, traveler, musician, writer, plus crosscultural awareness, worldwide ancient spiritual traditions… Success Mindset Philosopher A.M.Sall helps you “be whatever you want to be and get whatever you want to get. ”
http://www.health-beauty-wellness.com/positive.htm
Sue Hasker – Certified Performing Edge Consultant
Injury & Surgery Healing Coach
EFT for Sports Performance & Injury Recovery
No matter what sport you play; golf, tennis, baseball, basketball, football, hockey, soccer, track and field, or any other athletic endeavor there’s one thing for certain:
You would love to reach your full potential in the shortest time frame possible.
What if I told you that sports performance can be enhanced in just minutes a day using a simple technique that has been tested by professional and amateur athletes worldwide, with amazing results.
The technique I’m referring to is called Emotional Freedom Techniques or EFT.
For the first time anywhere Sports Performance Pioneer, Stacey Vornbrock is sharing the amazing protocols she’s developed to help hundreds of professional and amateur athletes play their best in every sport imaginable.
This is not some pie-in-the-sky, wishful thinking information.
The Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals will show you the exact steps to take to turn the blocks that are keeping you from playing your best into breakthroughs.
Learn more about this amazing information at
Here’s what the Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals can do for you:
- Fine tune your game and play better than you’ve ever dreamed possible.
All you have to do is follow the easy to use protocols in this manual.
- Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals will show you how to eliminate soreness after playing or working out.
Imagine feeling completely energized and refreshed rather than physically and mentally fatigued after working out or after playing.
- Recover from injuries in record time.
You’ll learn how to tap to rid your body of the trauma, emotions and the memory of protection that are locked at the cellular level after being injured.
- Give yourself the chance to perform your best every time you play.
You can depend on tapping for any sports challenge you face. Once you start using EFT you’ll feel clearer and more focused right away.
- Reduce or eliminate struggles and play from a place of joy and confidence with better physical and mental stamina.
You will be able to relax and have fun. You’ll play with increased focus and be able to concentrate on those tough moments that mean the difference between winning and losing.
The best part is all skill levels will benefit. It doesn’t matter if you’re getting ready for the Olympics or just getting ready to have fun this weekend playing your favorite sport with friends.
The Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals will help you play better and enjoy your sport more, guaranteed.
Learn more about this amazing information at
Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals come with complete written instructions on how to use the techniques effectively. Nothing is left out.
In just minutes a day you’ll clear out old blocks that are holding you back today and create breakthroughs that lead to consistent and enjoyable sports performance.
Your results are assured. All you have to do is tap!
EFT is quick to learn and easy to use, even while you’re playing.
You’ll never be at a loss for how to resolve a challenge once you put the ideas in the Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals into practice.
Enjoy your sport more and play better quicker. It couldn’t be any easier.
Go over to
Bye Bye Blocks
and see the wide range of helpful information that will take your game to the next level in your sport.
Breakthrough Performance Sports Manuals are your Playbook for Success!
P.S. This information will virtually change the way you view your sport every time you play. Enhance our performance now by using the same techniques that hundreds of professional and amateur athletes have used with remarkable success.
Go to
Bye Bye Blocks
and pick up your copy of the Breakthrough Performance Sport Manual for the sport you want to excel in, today.
Sue Hasker ~ Injury & Surgery Healing Coach
HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Coaching, Mental Training, Products, Uncategorized | Tags: anxiety, Coaching, Healing, injury, Mental Training, motivation, psychology | No Comments »
Sue Hasker~Performing Edge Coach
Sue Hasker is recommended by Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter, Stanford Medical Center
trained psychologist and best selling author of Your Performing Edge:
I had the unique opportunity to coach and work with Sue Hasker in 2009 as an advanced student in my Performing Edge Coaching Certification training program for the past several months.
I am extremely impressed with her work, and I would highly recommend Sue Hasker to any college or to any of my colleagues or clients. Our work together involved education and rigorous training around the Your Performing Edge Coaching method and general coaching techniques for working with a variety of complex client issues.
As a performance coach to Olympians and CEO’s, who has been on the medical staff of Stanford University Medical Center for 10 years, Sue was absolutely one of the most advanced and creative students I’ve had the opportunity to train.
Sue has all the qualifications I look for in a coach/clinician, and much more. She has extraordinary creativity and client conceptualization skills. In addition to being very responsible, dependable and dedicated, she is extremely talented and insightful as a clinical coach and internet web designer. In her assignments, she has been very prompt, organized, and even goes beyond what is required.
Sue is easy to work with, she offers creative ideas, and quickly finds solutions for any issue that arises. During our work together, she followed through with everything I asked of her, she was completely focused on our training, and always delivered superior quality assignments, by our deadline.
I highly recommend Sue Hasker for anyone who wants a high quality student, coach and a brilliant mind. Her work will far exceed your expectations.
Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter
www.PerformingEdgeCoach.comFree e-course available http://www.DrJoAnn.com
Sue Hasker – Certified Performing Edge Consultant
Injury & Surgery Healing Coach
10 Ways to Stay Motivated
New Year’s Resolutions are always made with the best intentions, but how many are actually kept? Apparently not most, according to experts. The following article gives some great tips on how to make resolutions (or set goals anytime of year) that are realistic and more likely to be successful.
Story Highlights
- Set smaller goals with smaller steps
- Frame your goals positively
- Get a resolutions buddy who can help you keep track of what you want to do
- Be patient with yourself and don’t be overanxious
10 ways to get motivated for change in 2010
By Elizabeth Landau, CNN
(CNN) — A new decade is about to start, and you may be tempted to set a copious list of resolutions for yourself in order to broadly “make life better.”
You may be thinking that you’ll jump in on January 1 to reform everything from diet to relationships to personality.
That, experts say, is the wrong approach. It’s great to want to make changes, but in order to actually accomplish your goals, they say, it’s important to be realistic, specific, and accountable.
Here are 10 things you can do to help yourself stay in a mindset to make positive changes in the coming year:
1. Set smaller goals with smaller steps
Gradual small steps motivate people toward larger change, said Susan Nolen-Hoeksema, professor of psychology at Yale University and author of the new book “The Power of Women.”
If you want to lose weight, for example, change small aspects of your eating pattern. Resolve to have a salad tomorrow for lunch, and then do that for a week.
Write down the steps you want to take in a datebook to make it concrete, and reward yourself for making the individual changes, she said.
Let’s say you want to work on being more optimistic this year. Nolen-Hoeksema recommends imagining what you would be like if you were optimistic. Imagine yourself going through a day at work if you were optimistic and confident, then write that down in great detail.
Now, you have specific aspects of that ideal of optimism to work toward. Pick one thing that the optimistic you is doing that you’re not, and start working in that direction, she said.
2. Frame your goals positively
Despite the proven health risks of certain habits, such as smoking, thinking about a habit in the negative will not help you nix it. Studies have shown that it’s hard to get motivated about avoiding cancer, but easier to think about smelling better and saving money as reasons to quit smoking, Nolen-Hoeksema said.
So, if you want to quit doing something, think about the positive aspects of not doing it. And make sure you reward yourself for sticking to the plan along the way.
3. Look at the pros and cons
If you’re on the fence about whether you should make a change this year, make a list of the benefits and costs, said Dr. Nadine Kaslow, professor of psychiatry at Emory University.
Pay attention to what’s driving you, she said. Sometimes it’s pain that motivates people to change, or a new phase of life, or new information, or a possible promotion.
“It helps to get clear about what you want to change and why you want to change it,” she said.
4. Get a resolutions buddy
Knowing that someone else is working toward similar goals, or is supporting you in your endeavors, helps to keep motivation up. Having a new year’s resolution buddy who’s keeping track of your progress helps keep you accountable for what you’ve done.
At the end of every year, Kaslow and her friend review all of their goals from the prior year, examining what the obstacles were to change and then developing new goals for the next year.
Planning for goals with someone can guide you in the path towards change, even if you don’t don’t accomplish everything in a single year, she said.
5. Be specific
It’s easy to get discouraged by a broad goal like “I’m going to improve my marriage,” Nolen-Hoeksema said. Figure out exactly what it is that’s not working for you, and then formulate a strategy for solving individual problems.
In the marriage example, it’s important to get realistic about what it is about your marriage that needs improvement. Then, spend some time keeping a diary and tracking what’s going right and what’s not, and come up with one thing you can do per week that would help the situation.
The process of assessing the small actions you can take in the immediate future, and savoring the positive effects, can take a lot of pressure off and help you achieve larger goals, she said.
6. Know thyself
The start of the year is as good a time as any to take inventory of yourself. What are your passions? What do you want to be doing better? Take the time think about who you are and how you want life to be, said Craig Levine, a clinical psychologist in San Francisco, California.
Real change happens because you yourself want it, not because others want it for you, experts say.
“If it’s something that doesn’t connect to you and truly relate to you, just because someone says you should do something, if it doesn’t resonate with you, it’s not going to be as helpful as something that truly fits you,” Levine said.
7. Examine deeper issues
Sometimes there are problems that need to be addressed before people can move forward with the change they want.
In some cases there are psychological impediments to making changes, Levine said. For example, some people fear failure so much that they unknowingly sabotage themselves. Self-esteem may also play a role — some people don’t feel they’re worthy of being taken care of, he said.
If you think that there are deeper issues preventing you from moving forward in your life in some way, consult a mental health professional.
8. Don’t be overanxious
Having a long list of lofty resolutions can create anxiety, so Nolen-Hoeksema recommends choosing anywhere between three and five overarching things to change.
For Kaslow, the word “resolution” connotes a “pass-fail” ultimatum, so she prefers using the word “goal.”
Writing down your goals and how you plan to achieve them is a good way to beat anxiety, Levine said.
9. Be flexible
Although you should be specific about what you want to do, sometimes it helps to broaden your vision of what you’re trying to accomplish. For instance, if you’ve been laid off from your job in the financial sector, it may not be immediately possible to find a similar position.
But if you are on the job market, the broader goal might be to support yourself or your family, Nolen-Hoeksema said. Having a wider vision of what constitutes success can free you up to explore other options that do help with the central purpose.
“Step back and say, ‘Is there any way I can achieve that bigger goal without getting fixated on the goal I had before?’” she said.
10. Keep your eye on the ball
Changing behaviors is especially difficult when other people around you encourage habits you’re trying to kick, or if you are under stress. For instance, if you’re a recovering alcoholic and having a bad day, it might be hard to resist if someone says, “It looks like you need a drink,” Kaslow said.
Know that there’s going to be some anxiety, but be patient with yourself, Kaslow said. Take it one incident at a time, one day at a time.
“You have to deal with some negative consequences when you change, both internal and interpersonal, and environmental,” she said. “You have to sort of get help dealing with those, and weather those storms.”
Find this article at:
http://www.cnn.com/2009/HEALTH/12/29/motivation.new.years.resolutions/index.html?eref=igoogle_cnn
www.HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Mental Training | Tags: Coaching, goals, Mental Training, motivation, psychology | 2 Comments »
Talking with Your Doctor
If you have been injured or seriously ill you will inevitably find yourself sitting in the doctor’s office with a lot of questions. What often happens is we feel rushed or nervous and forget to ask or forget WHAT to ask. Here is a list of reminders that will help during those times when it is important to know all the facts before making any decisions.
How to Talk to Your Doctor
How do you talk to your doctor? Does he or she do all the talking while you do all the listening? Are you afraid to ask questions? Do you leave the office feeling like you just sat through a foreign language class?
Your relationship with your doctor, including how well you talk with each other, affects your care. A good relationship — where you and your doctor share information and work together to make the best decisions about your health — will result in the best care. You’ll also feel more confident in your doctor and the quality of care you’re getting. Here are some ways to make talking to your doctor more effective.
Be Prepared
Doctors are busy people and their offices are often abuzz with activity, like ringing telephones and crowded waiting rooms. When you actually see your doctor, your visit probably won’t last more than 15 minutes. The best way to make the most of your limited time is to come to your appointment prepared:
- Write down all the questions you have for the doctor in advance and bring a pen and paper to jot down answers and take notes.
- Make and bring a list of symptoms if you’re not feeling well. You might want to research your condition at the library or on the Internet if you’re visiting your doctor for a specific problem or illness. Learning some related medical terms (see online course below) and common treatments will make it easier to follow what the doctor is telling you.
- Bring a list of all the medicines you take. Write down the doses and how often you take them. Include vitamins and other supplements.
- Arrive early enough to fill out forms.
- Have your insurance card ready and bring your medical records or have them sent in advance if you’re seeing the doctor for the first time. Also bring your health care advance directive, which outlines instructions about your care if you become unable to speak for yourself. Go over it with your doctor so that your wishes are clear.
Here are some questions to ask the doctor. You can add to the list as you come up with more questions:
Problem
- What is wrong with me? How do you know?
- What caused this problem?
Tests
- Must I have tests?
- What tests do I need and why?
- What do the tests involve?
- How do I prepare for the tests?
- When will I know the test results?
- Will my insurance cover the cost of the tests?
- Will I have to take the tests again?
Treatment
- What are my treatment choices?
- What are the benefits and risks of each treatment?
- What are the side effects?
- How good is each treatment?
- Which treatment is most common for my condition?
- What do I do if treatment fails?
Medication
- What kind of medication(s) must I take? For how long?
- What does the drug do? Will there be any side effects?
- What should I do if I have side effects?
- Can I take a generic version of the drug?
- Will the medicine interact with any I am already taking?
- Should I avoid any kind of food or activity while taking this medicine?
Follow-Up
- Do I need to see a specialist?
- Should I get a second opinion?
- Do I need a follow-up visit?
Speak Up
Don’t be put off by big words or a doctor’s hurried manner. If you don’t understand what the doctor is telling you, ask him or her to explain it again. Using different words, or drawing or showing you a picture can help. Don’t leave the office without understanding everything the doctor told you.
If there are issues you want to discuss that the doctor doesn’t mention, raise them yourself. Doctors often are so focused on making sick people better — or so rushed — they forget to talk about important health matters like diet and weight, exercise, stress, sleep, tobacco and alcohol use, sexual practices, vaccines, and tests to find diseases. Find out what tests you might need for your age, such as a mammogram or colonoscopy, and ask your doctor about getting them. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to bring up sensitive topics.
Don’t Withhold Information
Speaking up also means telling your doctor everything you know about your body and health, including all your symptoms and problems. The more information you share, the better the doctor will be able to figure out what’s wrong and how to treat you. Don’t make the doctor guess. Be sure to mention any and all medicines, vitamins, and herbs you are taking, and anyone else you are seeing about your health, physical and mental.
Bring Someone With You
Sometimes, people like to bring a friend or family member to a doctor appointment for moral support. A companion also could help you relax, remind you of questions you forgot to ask, and help you remember what the doctor said. If you need personal time with the doctor, the person can sit in the waiting room. Having someone join you is especially helpful if you feel too ill to get around easily on your own.
Follow Up
If you feel nervous, rushed, or just plain overwhelmed, you might forget to ask a question, even if you wrote it down. If this happens, or if you think of a new question, call the office right away. Be patient but firm if you want to speak directly with the doctor, who might not be able to take your call at that moment. If the doctor wants you to come back for a follow up visit, be sure to set and keep the appointment.
Building a successful partnership with your doctor takes time and effort. It’s not uncommon to have a frustrating doctor visit now and then. But overall, your relationship with your doctor should be positive and comfortable. You should have confidence and trust in his or her medical ability and judgment.
Let your doctor know when there’s a problem. If you can’t resolve things together, you might need to entrust your care to someone else.
Source: AARP
www.HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Uncategorized | Tags: Coaching, doctor visits, Healing, injury, support | No Comments »
Positive Coaching
Positive Coaching
- Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter http://www.DrJoAnn.comCoaches need to read their athletes correctly and understand them for who they are.
Unless you’re a competitive athlete, chances are you have not had a “coach” since high school PE class. But you have probably had a boss, a neighbor, or a parent who made a big impression on you. Was that impression positive or negative? What about their interaction with you made it positive or negative? Would you have wanted it to be different? What would you do differently if you were in that position?
Coaching in sports is a complicated relationship. While the coach expects the athlete to put their best efforts into whatever they are doing, they need to be careful not to put too much pressure on the athlete who is simply unable to reach certain goals. Conversely, it is important that the coach not overlook areas that can be improved. The risk is that the athlete will either give up for lack of confidence, or not try their best for lack of motivation. But it cannot be JUST about winning, it must also be about personal achievement.
The things that frustrate athletes about their coaches are often when frustrates the rest of us about our boss, our mate, our friends, or co-workers. Here are a few examples:
- An atmosphere of continuous negativity
- Not being listened to
- Receiving criticism that is not constructive
- Being singled out as the cause of a group’s failure
- Seeing other “star” performers getting all the attention
- Not being appreciated for hard work and extra effort
- Not being allowed to adequately rest
- Feeling constant pressure to perform
A life coach or personal coach is someone who will work with you to help you discover and achieve your goals. When looking for a life coach you will want to consider a few important points:
- A coach needs to be willing to let the client determine the outcome they want while the coach remains unattached to the outcome
- A coach should listen to the client carefully and take hold of key words and phrases that will help the client see themselves more clearly and make the changes they want
- The client is responsible for putting the required effort into their own life, while the coach is responsible for helping the client to discover their creativity and ability to make changes
- The coach is responsible for keeping the client accountable, but not for making the client feel guilty
- The coach is there to support the client, but not to “baby” them
- The coach should make requests that stretch the client to go beyond their limiting self-beliefs, but not make demands that create anxiety
- The coach should believe in the client and tell them so regularly, or the client should find a different coach
Sports can be a great learning tool for life by providing lessons in positive self-image, hard work, and goal setting. But even those of us who do not participate in competitive sports can benefit from good coaching. Virtually everyone wants to know that someone is on their side no matter what.
Sue Hasker
Mind-Body Training TeleCourse for Energy and Focus
Not a competitive athlete? That’s okay!
EVERYONE can benefit from mental training to do your best in any situation. Your “PERFORMING EDGE” is that feeling you get when you are doing your best, when you are “in the zone” mentally and physically. It could be while you’re exercising, while doing your favorite hobby, or even while working on a project around the house or at your job.
What makes the difference between being “pretty good” at something and being “excellent”? It’s just a matter of training your mind to “see yourself doing it right,” focusing on what’s happening now to eliminate distractions, and talking to yourself in a way that brings out your very best.
JoAnn Dahlkoetter, Ph.D, best-selling author of YOUR PERFORMING EDGE and frequent ABC-TV Expert Commentator, works with numerous OLYMPIANS and top business executives. As a nationally recognized performance consultant, she has helped thousands build their confidence and realize their true potential.
In her telecourse, Dr. Dahlkoetter will provide expert advice for creating major breakthroughs in sports, business, health, and in life. She will present the latest information for optimizing mind-body performance, including her personal interviews with LANCE ARMSTRONG, and many OLYMPIC GOLD MEDALISTS.
What’s in it for YOU?
REALIZE YOUR POTENTIAL:
* Learn the winning strategies of champion athletes
* Achieve the optimal state of mind to perform your best under any conditions
* Gain new motivation and confidence to break through mental barriers
* Create a healthy, balanced lifestyle, both personally and professionally
* Unleash the power of your mind, body, and spirit to realize your full potentiall
A COMPLETE SYSTEM FOR MIND-BODY FITNESS:
* ENERGIZE your mind and body
* FOCUS your effort and perform your best
* ALIGN your goals with your vision
* HEAL and recover quickly from stress/injury
* BUILD a healthy, balanced lifestyle
WHAT YOU’LL GET FROM PERFORMING EDGE COACHING:
* 4 Weeks of Training with Dr. JoAnn – by Teleseminar, Online, and Email
* Autographed Books and Visualization CD’s, DVD, and Audio Program
* Powerful Mental Training Exercises: Practice and discussion
* Valuable Handouts – Helpful Articles and Tips For Success
* Tools You Can Access During The Gold Level Training Process
* Performing Edge Action Guides
* Self-Assessment Tools
* How to Use the Your Performing Edge Method
* Visualization Audios and Scripts
* Training Videos
* Olympic Interviews
* Checklists for tracking your goals
* Weekly learning assignments and handouts
* Your Performing Edge workbook
* Your Performing Edge articles
* Post-Event assessments
Listen to a sample of what it’s like to work with Dr. JoAnn, download this interview by Gail Stolzenburg from
October 10th Your Performing Edge Training – CLICK HERE
When: Nov. 19 – Dec 17, 2009
Where: Learn with Dr. JoAnn Live, from the comfort of your own home
Price: $797
For a limited time only $497!
Register Now – Limited slots are going fast – Only $397
Sue Hasker http://www.HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Coaching, Mental Training, Products, Uncategorized | Tags: Coaching, Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter, goals, Mental Training, Performing Edge | No Comments »
6 Steps for Managing Stress
6 Steps for Managing the Stress in Your Life
We all experience it at one time or another; this trespasser called stress. It is perhaps the number one cause of most health problems today. Let’s explore 6 ways to deal with the stress in your life in a healthy and effective manner.
* Talk about the problems you are experiencing with friends, loved ones or a professional. Keeping everything bottled up will only create more problems later on. Join a support group with people experiencing similar problems.
* Exercise often. Go to the park and walk for 20-30 minutes either every day or every other day. Exercise relieves tension and produces a calming effect. Perhaps joining a gym with a friend would be more to your liking.
* Yoga exercises. Sit in a quiet room alone and begin breathing exercises. Choose a mantra which will help you to stay focused.
* Music does calm the savage beast. Listen to some classical or instrumental music. Ocean or nature sounds are a perfect way to release stress.
* Healthy meals can become an important factor in limiting your stress. Ensure you eat three meals a day, and make an effort to avoid too much caffeine and sugar.
* Sleep deprivation can cause stress. Go to bed early. Seven to eight hours sleep can make all the difference.
Coping with stress can be challenging. Every day you seem to be pulled in every direction, trying to accommodate others. The first priority is to take care of you. You are the thread which holds your family together. If you are stressed, you won’t be much good to anyone
More Ways to Ease Stressful Situations
Give yourself a break every now and then. Buy a new outfit; go to a movie; do something you’ve always wanted to do. Your family can take care of themselves for one day. Alone time is just as important to you as it is for everyone else. Think of yourself as a gas tank; eventually you will run out of fuel.
Laughter is a wonderful release. You’ve probably noticed those times when you’ve laughed so hard, you cried. This is probably due to the fact you haven’t laughed in a while, and the tension released through laughter is the best cure-all method for dealing with stress-related issues.
Avoid stressful situations whenever possible. If you are a working mom, it’s probably not the job but the people who are causing you the most stress. Take everything in stride.
If you can’t finish a task, don’t worry about it. If dinner doesn’t turn out as you expected, improvise or order out.
Life is too short; and stress can reduce it further. Nothing is more important than your health or state of mind.
Eleanor Roosevelt wisely said, “No one can make you a victim without your consent.” She was right; it is, after all, up to you.
Sue Hasker
Posted in Articles, Psychological Effects | Tags: anxiety, goals, psychology, stress | No Comments »
Using Positive Self-Talk to Conquer Any Goal
Do you feel like you are always talking yourself out of success? As soon as you start to set goals for yourself, do you suddenly have nagging thoughts about how you aren’t up to the task or how you simply aren’t qualified to carry it through?
If you have ever experienced either situation, you need to change the way you respond to your inner dialogue. Instead of obeying your negative commands, you can use positive self-talk to counter the negativity and overcome nearly all anxious thoughts.
Setting Goals and Sticking to Them with Positive Self-Talk
Are you initially filled with excitement when you first set goals for yourself? Are these thoughts then followed by self-doubt and self-defeating thoughts that stop you in your tracks before you even get started?
It can be difficult to make the most of your life when you are constantly talking yourself out of being a success. It can be frustrating and discouraging to have these thoughts constantly plaguing you. Many of us, in fact, don’t even realize we have them! All we know is that we don’t have the confidence to stick to our plans and reach our goals.
But there’s another way!
Positive self-talk is an effective way to set goals and ensure that you stick to them, even if you have never been able to do this before. The way this works is that you decide what goal is important to you, and then you plan the logistics of how you are going to attain this goal. When self-doubt starts kicking in, you will respond with affirmations that prove your success without surrendering to the negative pressure. Since you’re reading this article, it’s clear that you’re no quitter and you’re certainly not a failure, so start believing in yourself!
Re-Programming Your Mind
Affirmations are essentially positive statements that re-program your mind for the positive. The moment you have a self-defeating thought you’d be able to counter the negative with a motivating statement. An example of a positive affirmation is: “I am worthy of great success,” or “I see myself in the winner’s circle.” What this does is replace negativity with thoughts that will help you move toward your goals instead of further away from them.
Positive self-talk is easier to implement than you might think. You may not be aware of the severity of the negative dialogue currently within your mind. However, once you begin with positive self-talk, you will suddenly realize that you are self-sabotaging the goals you set for yourself from the minute that you make them. This process can open your eyes to exactly how much this inner conversation has been interfering with your life. You’ll feel hopeful that you can now set goals and surpass them.
Through positive self-talk you will be able easily set long and short-term goals for yourself. And when you use affirmations, you’ll have accessible tools to help you push yourself further than ever before. Learning to quiet negativity with positive thoughts is a great move toward setting and attaining future goals with ease.
Sue Hasker
Posted in Articles, Coaching, Mental Training | Tags: Coaching, goals, Mental Training, psychology | No Comments »
Sports Psychology – Not Just for Athletes Anymore
Sports Psychology Can be Used by “Regular People”
Part of my training as a certified coach has been to read and absorb a book called, Your Performing Edge: The Complete Mind-Body Guide for Excellence in Sports, Health and Life by Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter. My goal from the very first chapter was to take the concepts used by athletes and sports coaches, and translate them for use by the “rest of us.”
Below is an article by Dr. JoAnn along with my take on how to use the “3 P’s,” which are the core of the Performing Edge Method, for helping people to heal and recovery from injury, surgery, or both.
Sports Psychology and Peak Performance – How to Create Your Performing Edge with Mental Training
by Dr. JoAnn Dahlkoetter
Best-selling Author, Your Performing Edge
Free e-Course at: http://www.DrJoAnn.com/
POSITIVE IMAGES: Use your mental training and images throughout your workout to create feelings of speed and power. (e.g., If you’re walking or running and you come to an unexpected hill visualize a magnet pulling you effortlessly to the top). Use visualization before, during and after your training to build confidence and new motivation.
Suppose you are not training for a race, but rather, recovering from an injury that requires extensive physical therapy. Often just the thought of stretching, bending, or putting weight on the injured area can cause feelings of anxiety and fear of doing more damage. Before your next physical therapy session try visualizing yourself doing the exercises as if you are completely healed and pain-free. See yourself easily following the movements of the therapist during the hands-on portion of your treatment. Prepare a mental image of yourself doing the strengthening and stretching exercises correctly and safely. Use this visualization several times before your next appointment.
POWER WORDS: Make positive mental training self-statements continually. Negative thinking is common; everyone has an inner critic. Become aware of these thoughts early on. Don’t fight with them; simply acknowledge their presence, and then substitute positive power words. (e.g., When you’re thinking: “This hurts too much, I want to lie down and die”; say to yourself: “This feeling is connected with getting healthier and doing my absolute best”).
What do you say when you talk to yourself? Do you think something like, “I’ll never feel any better, I’ll always have this pain or this limitation, what’s the point in working so hard when it isn’t helping?” When your recovery has been slow in coming, or marred by setbacks, it is so easy to become discouraged, and that is quite a normal response. Just recognize those thoughts, but then intentionally remind yourself that they DO NOT have to be true. Substitute a negative thought with a positive one. Say, “Even thought this is difficult, I am working to become stronger and healthier every day.” Or, “This pain is not harming me, I need to feel it now, but soon I will be able to do this exercise with ease.” And remember to tell yourself, “I am doing my best to help my body heal and recovery completely.”
PRESENT FOCUS: Practice your mental training by being in the present moment. Remind yourself to stay in the here and now. Let past and future events fade into the background.
Your mind can only focus on one thing at a time, so when you are working on your recovery it is important to focus on what is happening right now. It’s easy to bring up the past and think, “I didn’t make much improvement last time so this time won’t be any better.” Or that nagging worry about the future, “I am afraid this will be as good as it gets.” When you are focusing on past and future, the present disappears. At your next physical therapy appointment or doctor’s visit, try to be fully present at THAT appointment, listen to what is being said, feel what you are feeling at that moment. Of course it is important to ask questions to relieve any anxiety you are having, but don’t automatically assume that “now” is the same as “then” and that “later” will be the same as “now.”
Sue Hasker, PECI Certified Healing & Recovery Coach
www.HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Mental Training, Psychological Effects | Tags: Coaching, fear, Healing, injury, Mental Training, psychology | 1 Comment »
Using Mental Training to Recover from Injury
People from all walks of life may at some point in their lives experience an accidental injury. Trainers and coaches have been using some powerfully effective mental training tools to help athletes return to their sport, while the rest of us have probably only just heard of them. The mental training tips listed in following article can be used by anyone who is experiencing a season of healing and recovery. Just exchange any references to athletes and sports with activities related to physical therapy and rehabilitation. Welcome to the exciting world of sports psychology!
Top 10 Training Tips
Excerpt from the book, Your Performing Edge: The Complete Mind-Body Guide for Excellence in Sports, Health, and Life, by JoAnn Dahlkoetter (Pulgas Ridge Press, 2002)
Free e-course available at http://www.DrJoAnn.com
Mindfulness: Practice being in the present moment. Remind yourself to stay in the here and now. Let past and future events fade into the background.
Power Imagery: Visualization is not something you do only in the quiet of your bedroom. Use your mental images throughout the workout to create feelings of speed and power. (e.g., When you come to an unexpected hill visualize a magnet pulling you effortlessly to the top).
Positive Attitude: Use everything in the workout to your advantage. For example, if another athlete passes you, tuck in behind and go with his or her energy for as long as possible. You may catch a “second wind” and be carried on to a new personal record.
Short-term goals: Focus on your immediate target. Break your training down into small, manageable pieces and begin to focus only on the first portion, not the entire workout (e.g., Say to yourself: “I’m just relaxing and getting my rhythm during the first mile”).
Association: Pay close attention to your tension level and training form. Do a body scan while working out and relax your tight muscles frequently. Ask yourself: “Are my shoulders and neck relaxed; how does this pace feel; how much energy is left in my legs?”
Pain Management: If you have “good pain” that is not seriously damaging your body, just shift attention to your breathing or cadence of movement, and let the discomfort fade into the background. You can also use the pain as feedback. Register it not as pain but as effort level. Say: “Now I know exactly how hard I’m working. I know how this pace feels. My body is doing what it should be doing.”
Process not Outcome: Look only at what you need to do right now (e.g., pace, breathing, concentration); your final time, place, or score will take care of itself.
Focused Attention: Be aware of distractions. Breathe out unwanted thoughts with your next exhale and re-focus your attention instantly on what is important.
Affirmations: Make positive self-statements continually. Negative thinking is quite common; everyone has an inner critic. Become aware of these thoughts early on. Don’t fight with them; simply acknowledge their presence, and then substitute a positive affirmation. (e.g., When you’re thinking: “This hurts too much, I want to lie down and die”; say to yourself: “This feeling is connected with going faster and doing my absolute best”).
Enjoyment: Celebrate your fitness and strength. When the competition arrives, let your body do what you’ve trained it to do. Remember that your goals are realistic. All you need to do is perform up to your capabilities.
Posted in Articles, Coaching, Mental Training, Psychological Effects | Tags: Coaching, Healing, injury, Mental Training, psychology | No Comments »
How to Deal with Everyday Life Grief
Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Isabel_Kirk
Sue Hasker, PECI Certified Healing & Recovery Coach
www.HealYourBest.com
Sue@HealYourBest.com
Posted in Articles, Psychological Effects | Tags: anxiety, depression, fear, Healing, injury, psychology | Comments Closed
Five Steps for Managing Depression
Posted in Articles, Psychological Effects | Tags: Coaching, depression, Healing, injury, psychology | Comments Closed
Seven Steps for Managing Anxiety
Anxiety can come into your life at any time. It’s normal. When the anxiety becomes frequent you could be at risk for more serious conditions. If you feel your anxiety is starting to take over your life or increasingly causing you problems, seek professional help immediately. There is no need to suffer this terrible condition in silence.
Posted in Articles, Psychological Effects | Tags: anxiety, Coaching, depression, fear, Healing, psychology | Comments Closed
What Is Life Coaching?
Thank you, and I look forward to working with you!
Performing Edge Coaching
can help while you recover from injury or surgery.
JoAnn Dahlkoetter, Ph.D, best-selling author of YOUR PERFORMING EDGE and frequent ABC-TV Expert Commentator, works with numerous OLYMPIANS and top business executives.
Find Dr. JoAnn and PECI here.
